Today’s article is our top 10 tips to make sure you are social media sexy. We’re mainly thinking about Instagram, so these are our top tips to make sure that you are going to come across as an attractive, datable, hot prospect on the gram.
Alright, tip number one. Quality is super important. If you’ve got grainy, shitty pictures up there, it just looks childish; it looks lame. You want a serious Instagram account; then you’ve got to have nicely taken pictures. Of course, nothing professional, but has to be iPhone quality and not iPhone quality and dark club. Not ancient pictures of you as a kid when you happened to get a good angle on you looking sexy. Has to be good and current pictures and a good resolution. The minute I see someone who’s got a soft, shitty picture on Instagram, I think come on man, is that the only picture you’ve got? Is that your favorite picture? When was that taken? Ten years ago? Did you take that standing in a shed? Was that taken in a cupboard or a fun walks? So make sure those pictures are good quality. Tip number one.
Pic number two. Okay, so you’ve been hitting the gym. And you want to get those shirtless pics in. Shirtless pics can be a really good weapon to help you have a very sexy looking Instagram account, or they can make you look like a complete fool. How are we going to take cool, shirtless pics? The bathroom selfie, the in-the-mirror selfie, flash top now.
If you’re going to do that, you have got to be ripped. I mean physique competition ripped! Nobody wants to see your minor gym gains in the bathroom mirror. It’s not glamorous, and it makes you look like, you know, you think you’re more than you are, there’s no cool scenario. It’s not hot; it’s not sexy. If you want to get that shirtless picture, do it on the beach, do it at the pool, even in the gym change * of your mate. That’s going to be a lot cooler than you sitting in the bathroom to do a selfie in the mirror. And two, when you do shirtless pics, make sure your body’s good enough. Don’t get all gassed up because you’ve been hitting the gym for a little bit; you have to be really in good shape if you’re going to do that. If not, it’s going to make you look one, too egotistic. Two, like you, think you’re better than you are. And three, your body’s just not that great, so it’s not going to be sexy for the girls out there. So be careful with your shirtless pics. And if you are going to do it, think of the location and the reason why you had your top off in the first place. It’s not simply about showing off. So it’s better if you’re on the beach, or by a lake or something like that. Those are the most successful shirtless pics.
Tip number three, the scenario is not as important as the way you look. For example, you’ve gone kayaking, canoeing on the Grand Canyon, you’ve had a great time, there’s a beautiful backdrop, and you’re like, I’m gonna get a picture now. You get the picture. It’s an amazing scene, the Grand Canyon; you show you’ve been on this great trip. You’ve been kayaking, you’re an adventurer, but you’re sitting in a little boat with a life jacket on and a red helmet. You look like a complete penis man. You look like a penis. You don’t want to look like a penis; it’s not going to help. So remember the scenario is not as important as the aesthetics. If you don’t look good, you don’t post it. The same picture would have been awesome if you had gone out of the kayak, walked over to the side of the river, taken your top off like I said in the last point and then snapped it. But that helmet, that life jacket, it made you look a bit silly, and that’s how it’s gonna be remembered. You could be shaking someone’s super cool’s hand. You could be shaking Barack Obama’s hand, if you don’t look good, don’t post it. If you look average, I’ll take that back; if it’s Barack Obama, I’ll let you get away with it. But remember, aesthetics are more important than scenario. Instagram is all about you. And at the end of the day, it’s your face, which makes you sexy.
Number four is drunken pictures. We don’t want to see pictures of you and your boys out on the piss. Especially if your mates are badly dressed, ugly, red-faced looking dudes. You are your friends. The people you hang around with represent who you are. And if you’re hanging around with a lot of badly dressed, lame, drunk geezers, in a shitty looking club, then that is what she’s going to be thinking this a fail.
Oh my god, he just gets trashed the whole time and hangs around with these awful looking blokes. No women in the pictures, loads of men drinking lots of beer, not cool, not cool. So let’s leave out that club, those bar pics unless you’re flossing out here and the bar is real lit, turn up the picture.
The fifth point is location. Location, location, location. You may have a boring life; you may never leave work and your house. But you can still find locations, which will make your pictures look better. Rather than one of you in the kitchen, with a coffee, enjoying a coffee on Sunday morning, why don’t you walk your ass out into the garden and sit by a pretty tree. Sit down, look cool and say, enjoying a coffee on this lovely Sunday morning. So just that change from your mundane kitchen to the garden is more aesthetically pleasing. You can find some cool architecture; you can be on a bridge. Try to have pictures where the backdrop is nice. Your face is the key, but the location comes second. So location is extremely important. What we don’t want to see is messy bedrooms, unattractive looking kitchens, stuff indoors. It’s the insight into the cesspit of a house you live in. One she’s gonna have to come to … … or not if she checks out your Instagram. Make sure the location is glamorous, and you are gonna be received as the guy with the glamorous lifestyle as well. So an extension, that point is as well you know, you could be in the museum doing activities to show. Instagram is not only about your aesthetic appearance; it is translating your lifestyle. The things you do, the activities you do, the people you hang around with are you. So make sure the location and the activities are varied and interesting and stay out of your house, unless you live in a mansion and you’re rich, wish I was!
Next point, this is all about the colors in your pictures. Bright colors attract the human eye. Some of the biggest and best accounts, the most pleasing accounts to look at are just beautiful locations. If you’re on holiday, let’s get the brights, on vacation, let’s get the bright sun in. Let’s get blue skies, green fields, a nice vibrant mixture of colors is going to be very attractive to the eye. Rather than the mundane, gray shots in houses and that kind of thing.
Point number seven, take loads of pictures. We’re in the Instagram era, the social media era, go mental, knock yourself out. I know people who take 200 pictures to get that one killer Instagram post. If you want to be attracting people, attracting women, having a better growth on your Instagram account, then take more pictures. Quite simply. You can use the after effects, like filters to touch them up a little bit, whatever, but really, you are the subject of that picture and the more images you have to choose from, the more likely you are to get a really good one. Don’t be shy to take loads of pictures, get a friend to do a load for you, and then return the favor by doing them for him. Take loads, you’re going to get that one killer image, and you’re gonna look horse shit.
Okay, guys, point number eight is selfies. The selfie is an embarrassingly, painfully lame thing. However, it is proven the good selfies will help to grow your accounts, and they’re very attractive to people who you might see as a romantic interest. Lots of selfies, but don’t post too many. Like I said in the last point, take loads of pictures.
If take 100 selfies, from different angles, you’re going to find that one where you look horse shit. The selfie not only feels natural because really, but it is also natural, it’s just you taking it, people perceive that as what you look like. It gives them a massive insight into your lifestyle. They can look into your eyes, they can see you up close, it makes them feel like they’re there with you. And thus, if it’s someone you’re trying to obtain romantically, they’re going to really feel on insight into you and a bit more of your character. Thus selfies are important and something you need to include in your account. However, be careful. Like we said earlier, with the shirtless gym picture, you do not want to have too many selfies or too many tops off pics. The old one of you looking great, having done loads to make sure you look great is enough. It’s going to give a great insight into you and a more of a vibe of your true nature. So selfies are important, make sure you have them on your page.
So, gentlemen, point number nine is captioning. When you caption your comments, don’t be sanctimonious. Don’t try and be deep; it’s Instagram. It’s absolute crap; it’s low culture. If you write some deep, insightful comment on life and existence, you just look like a complete twat; nobody wants to hear that. Make a humorous, fun, tongue-in-cheek comment. And if you have something serious to say, then say it, we don’t want to hear you preach. You are not some piraya of social skills; you are not the person who people will come to for advice. They’re simply checking out your Instagram page. Okay, if you’ve got two million followers, maybe they want to hear you spew deep crap about your life. If that’s not you and you just want to grow your account, don’t try and be too deep, it’s Instagram. Use humor, tongue-in-cheek, fun stuff, take yourself unseriously and be light-hearted and it’s going to make it a lot more attractive to your followers. No ridiculous captions, no sanctimonious bullshit, no deep things, and no judgments on life. It’s meant to be fun, let’s keep it that way.
Out 10th and final point is the foodie. If you have a food-based Instagram account, then yeah, take a picture of all your beautiful meals. As you can see here, here’s a picture of a lovely load of sushi, which I love to eat.
But if you’re just an average dude taking a picture of a spaghetti bolognese he’s made in his kitchen, it just makes you look kind of disgusting. I don’t want to see your naughty food which you’re going to eat and put inside your belly. I only want to see hot, high-end cuisine. If you’re in a beautiful restaurant, and you have a lovely aesthetic dish, like the one popping out now, then yeah, I want to see that, hell yeah! I want to see where you got that from. But if you’re sitting at home eating beans on toast, I don’t want to see that. Yuck, that makes me feel sick.
Anyway, gentlemen, that was it, that was all the ten points to make sure you are social media sexy when you post. And especially for the killer Instagram.